Have not been writing for a while and lying on the lawn in the hot hot summer air just gives me the urge to write about what I am going through lately. And I think a lot of my fellow peers may feel the same way or have felt this way at some point of your lives.
I think my recent mood mainly lies on my disappointment of stepping into adulthood as an “old-teenager”. After one year of university, summer, is the time when dearest old friends come back together, reunite and share their amazingly wonderful experiences each person had on the other side of the planet. But this time, it just does not feel quite the same as our reunions before. I often feel quite powerless in creating new conversation topics or finding new interesting things to do that we would all enjoy. Because we have simply changed a bit too much this time.
I have been told many times that when you leave high school, those friends will always be the ones who are the purest and treat you the nicest. The more you grow up, the more benefits and potential benefits you start to seek in people. I am still pleasant that I met some truly amazing people after my first year, but this invisible pressure still exist, that everybody is doing totally different things in their lives and walking towards opposite paths. And one day, you are going to be even more scared of reunions, because somebody might become a billionaire, some have five kids and a loving husband, and some still remain single, stuck with a hopeless job and maybe never left town.
The liberal world sometimes pays less attention to the group of people at our age. I find it hard to search for literature or movies that focus on us, the people who are experiencing major life changes and starting to learn to deal with all the ugly truth and hardships about the real world. On top of that, we may feel tired and weak when reunited with old friends, because we have been through such different things on our own and sometimes, it does not seem like it is meaningful or it would attract too much response if you share your stories with others. We made new friends, we lived new lives, we learned new values about lives that we did not realize, we become less tolerant of people who oppose against our own new lifestyle and we lose the ability to understand others. And no matter how hard you try to hold on to it, and try to go back to how you used to party, or retrace every single piece of memory you share, at the end of the day when they run out, the atmosphere gets empty and hollow. When you find it no longer interesting or fun to deal with a person that you can no longer relate to, you fade away.
I hate it.
Being best friends forever is just as hard as being married forever. Sooner or later, some new, exciting fling may come along and you want to grab the passion and live the moment. But whether you can eventually filter out the ones who are just in for a fling and keep those who truly cares and shares the soul with you, that is fortune I think, rather than how good a person you are. Some one told me that everybody you encounter in life will teach you a lesson. Whether it is positive or negative. And some people can always continue to provide you with knowledge, while some may simply finish their mission and leave. This is a very realist approach but I try to accept it and see where it will take me. You do not become a bad person by cutting out a dearest friend in life, it is probably just because at this stage of your lives, no more can be shared and learned between you.
Does not mean that you do not love them or appreciate them being a part of your life.
I love all my friends. I think each of them is an amazing creature in this world and I have learnt so much from them. They shaped my personalities, my dreams and goals and they share my happiness and pain. True friends are the ones that can still judge each other, laugh at each others’ stories and understand each others’ pain. I am very grateful that I could have you in my life.
To all my old best friends who are no longer with me everyday: Melody, Maxine, Yuni, Ivy, Julian, Miranda, 彭琳媛，郭小乔，郑裕琼，梁祖仪，陈鸿威， 覃瑜，温展辉，廖梓华，还有好多好多的那些人
June 25th, 2013